Greetings and welcome to the blog of The Ontario Association of Distress Centre, operating as Distress and Crisis Ontario! We’re thrilled to introduce this new platform for connecting with our community and sharing valuable information each month. Our blog will be released mid-month and cover timely topics related to current events or monthly themes, articles that didn’t make it into our e-newsletter, updates from the Association and Members, and much more.
As we approach our winter workshop on grief with Dr. Susan Cadell and Dr. David Wright, we’ll take a retrospective look at the content covered in our summer conference when we first learned from these esteemed speakers. In their initial presentation, titled “Let’s Talk About Grief,” Dr. Cadell and Dr. Wright explored the nature of grief, grief literacy, and offered examples of how grief manifests uniquely in individuals. In our upcoming workshop, our goal is to empower attendees to recognize and understand grief within themselves, enabling them to better support others experiencing grief and contribute to reducing the stigma associated with the grieving process.
What is grief?
The image above showcases the “Rising Cairn” sculpture by Celeste Roberge, representing grief as a full-body, painful, individual experience in response to loss. While effectively showing how we may carry the heaviness of loss in our body, each rock also represents the unique nature of grief as each rock is unique. Loss can occur for various reasons, such as death, job loss, or loss of possibilities. It can be direct or indirect, impacting individuals collectively due to circumstances affecting many simultaneously.
Neither Dr. Cadell nor Dr. Wright endorse the widely-known five stages of grief — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — originally developed by Elizabeth Kubler Ross in response to life-threatening illnesses like cancer, not grief. While the presenters noted the benefit of David Kessler later adding a sixth step, “meaning making”, this linear approach to grief is not universally applicable, causing individuals who struggle with it to feel like they are grieving “wrong.”
Recent research suggests that the dual-process model by Stroebe & Schut might be a more effective way of understanding grief. This model acknowledges that individuals oscillate between focusing on their loss and aspects of life that contribute to restoration. Another perspective explored during our summer conference is the concept of continuing bonds, emphasizing that death changes a relationship but does not end it. This involves activities like visiting places the deceased loved, maintaining conversations with them, creating traditions in their memory, and more.
Grief is not an illness or a mental health disorder; it is not linear. Those grieving are grievers, not patients, and may not necessarily require medical attention or counseling. Grief intersects with mental health but is not solely a mental health issue. It is a common experience, but there is no “normal” way to grieve.
“Grief is the price we pay for love,” as quoted by Colin Murray Parkes, emphasizes that love-filled relationships include grief, whether due to death, separation, betrayal, or other factors. Another model explored is the Public Health Model of Bereavement Support, developed in Australia, recognizing that not all grievers require psychological care. This model categorizes grievers into those at low risk, those requiring some additional support, and those with complicated or prolonged grief issues.
What is grief literacy?
Grief literacy, part of the compassionate communities and death positivity movement, acknowledges that everyone can benefit from a better understanding of grief. It involves accessing, processing, and using knowledge regarding the experience of loss. Grief literacy includes knowledge of resources, skills to navigate grief, and taking actions to support others. Grief is not an isolated experience but is intertwined with socio-cultural contexts and relationships. In essence, grief literacy means understanding that grief is not experienced in isolation but exists in relation to our conversations with others, in relation to how we show up in our workplace, in relation to how we support others in their grief, and more.
The cases of Mélanie and Cathy & Esther
During the summer conference, Dr. Wright and Dr. Cadell shared the stories of two grievers to illustrate how grief can impact individuals differently and how grief literacy can positively influence their journey.
Mélanie participated in a research project after her mother chose medically assisted death. Although she recognized it as a blessing for her mother, Mélanie struggled with grief and felt unable to discuss her mother unless she initiated the conversation. She grappled with complex emotions, including guilt for leaving her mother behind on the day of her death.
Cathy and Esther, a same-sex couple of thirty-three years, faced challenges during Cathy’s medical journey due to a nurse’s prejudice. Esther’s decision to conceal their marital status led to a lack of support from the medical team after Cathy’s passing.***
These stories prompted the question of how to engage with grievers like Mélanie and Esther in a grief-literate manner, respecting their need for connection without necessarily sharing their full stories. We encourage our readers to reflect on these experiences and consider how appropriate support could have been provided in these situations.
Further information
The following publications were provided by the presenters as further information that could be explored to better understand grief.
- “How to Lose Everything”, a novel by Christa Couture: https://douglas-mcintyre.com/products/9781771622622
- “The Losses We Share”, a New York Times article by Meghan Markle, The Duchess of Sussex: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/opinion/meghan-markle-miscarriage.html
- “COVID-19 is depriving people of the opportunity to grieve” an article by Paul Adams: https://policyoptions.irpp.org/magazines/may-2020/covid-19-is-depriving-people-of-the-opportunity-to-grieve/
Additionally, our February eNews + Views newsletter provided two articles on differing aspects of grief. You can view the entire newsletter by clicking here. To sign up for our monthly e-newsletter, visit our website’s homepage and fill out the “sign up for updates” form located near the bottom of the page.
Join us at our winter workshop!
Please visit our Eventbrite page to learn more about our upcoming workshop being held on February 29th, 2024. If you have any questions, please contact us by email at info@dcontario.org. We are happy to work with you to problem-solve any barriers that may impact attendance at this event.
***The story of Esther and Cathy did not originate from our presenters, but rather came from the following article:
Candrian, C., & Cloyes, K. G. (2020). “She’s Dying and I Can’t Say We’re Married?”: End-of-Life Care for LGBT Older Adults. Gerontologist, 2021, Vol. 61, No. 8, 1197–1201. doi:10.1093/geront/gnaa186