By Madeline Bauzon – Student Intern
Some points in this article refer to and reflect on the DCO Discourse… podcast episode: “On Life in your 20s”
Throughout my post-secondary education, I noticed my relationships evolve and grow in unexpected ways. As a student myself beginning to transition into adulthood, the significance of social circles becomes more apparently important for my mental health—not only for emotional support but also for personal emotional growth/maturity and resilience in stressful situations. On the DCO Discourse… podcast, Marissa recently discussed ways to support peers, but I found their perspective is heavily influenced by Western ideals. While valuable, these approaches don’t always apply to first-generation immigrants like myself.
As the first in my family to attend university, I had to navigate many challenges alone growing up that I think others could relate to which impacted my social relationships and what may be deemed important or not. Examples of this are things like facing different rules, language barriers and translating things for my family throughout school, cultural expectations different from my peers growing up whether that be my parents being more strict in high school, to how it shapes my views in cleanliness in a house now living on my own, and financial independence living on my own. However, my family’s emotional and social support proved to be just as impactful as financial aid others receive from their parents. I continue to value our relationship even if rocky at times as having someone to talk to, listen to your stories, or simply spend time with made all the difference. Even when our views on my future didn’t always align it provided comfort whenever stressors arose in my life to have family/friends to rely on to support as I would do the same for them.
The Role of Social Media and Perceived Success
It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing oneself to friends, acquaintances, or even strangers online. As discussed in another DCO Discourse… podcast, social media often showcases life’s highlights rather than its struggles. Understanding this distinction helps ground us in reality and prevents us from unfairly measuring our own success against curated portrayals people make online. Success too, I believe, can be defined in many varying ways. One person, based on their values, may think success is defined as having all types of materialistic things like a big house, cars, and clothes whereas others can value strong relationship bonds and health. Especially during post-secondary school, when figuring out a career path or seeing what classmates or coworkers are doing, it can be easy to compare yourself to them. This can sometimes can serve as a motivator but also be negative in that you are trying to achieve a goal that you might not really truly want or are passionate about.
The Value of Online Friendships and Chosen Communities
The podcast also touched on online friendships, particularly among men, in video gaming but this applies to everyone. Whether through gaming, video calls, or social media, virtual friendships can be just as meaningful as in-person ones. In high school, I had online friends who knew me better than some of my in-person friends. Similarly, my grandma hosting exchange students introduced me to people from around the world, showing me that friendships can exist beyond physical proximity. I think especially with social media, and I even see it with my younger siblings, we have the opportunity to communicate with all our friends and family in the palm of our hands whether that be a text, call, or social media message away.
It is important to be grateful for these chances to stay connected and have the opportunity to reach out to close people even if proximity-wise it feels impossible. Family, too, plays a complex role in social well-being. Culturally reflecting on my own past life experiences one of my first best friends had to be my cousins because we spent so much time together. While family relationships can be a strong source of support, we cannot ignore the limitations as they can also be a source of conflict. Having multiple support systems—whether through friends, partners, or workplace connections—provides a well-rounded foundation for emotional resilience and social connections.
Building and Maintaining Friendships in University
Connections in community are crucial for students or anyone transitioning from high school to university and beyond in our adulthood. While again, this was covered in a podcast recently, I believe, it’s worth emphasizing how intimidating it can be to create and maintain friendships and how much harder the reality is for keeping relationships with everyone busy schedules. Unlike high school, where proximity and shared classes foster relationships, I’ve noticed it requires a lot more intentional effort particularly when your friends are at different life stages like graduating, having children/getting married, or temporarily being physically away for work opportunities/exchange. It made me curious if social relationships are like this in adulthood and if I have to start practicing planning my monthly hangout with friends, which is something I already began doing.
Another example for me personally was beginning university during the COVID-19 pandemic. Forming connections was even more challenging to reach out online, but thankfully living in residence helped with that, sometimes still I feel like I missed out on those “typical first year” activities like orientation where some people meet their lifelong friends. However, as I have mentioned, my own experience doesn’t define someone else’s. Of course you can relate to it but also recognizing there can be reflection and positive memories to look back at. Even if our experiences vary from person to person we can have so many similarities and differences that allow us to still celebrate our memories.
Seeing large friend groups or managing lifelong friendships can be daunting, too, which is another thing I feel people don’t discuss often. However, social circles don’t have to look the same for everyone to feel equal satisfaction in their relationships. Personally, I value quality over quantity—having two to four close friends rather than a large group has always been more fulfilling in what I need regarding my social life and relationships wise with friends. This might not look like hanging out in a big friend group all the time but maybe this is occasionally going out with extended family or parents/siblings, a sports team, coworkers, and a group of classmates every now and then. These relationships extend beyond school, influencing workplace and family dynamics as well.
Cultural background and gender expectations can also shape social connections; while mainstream ideals promote having a large group of friends in movies, TV shows, or online when people post on social media, sometimes just one or two close and important individuals are enough. Another big factor, at least for me, were my school friends! Similar to sports, peoples’ hobbies, passions, religious communities, and more vary for why we may meet together in proximity, but at the end create a belonging environment sharing passions with each other.
Roommates, Co-op/School, and the Shifting Nature of Social Bonds
This section is a little more personal about me living with roommates in my second year up until now which significantly shaped my university experience. We bonded over cooking, studying, and navigating life together. Even small moments—debriefing about an annoying roommate, laughing, helping each other out and sharing thoughts on life transitions—became cherished memories. However, not all roommate experiences were always positive. Some years, conflicts outweighed connections, reinforcing the importance of having other support systems in place, whether through friendships, hobbies, or self-care routines.
The co-op program at the University of Waterloo also played a major role in shaping my perspective around social relationships. While stressful, it exposed me to new career opportunities and provided insight into adulthood. It was a sharp contrast to my high school years—seeing peers working corporate jobs, studying abroad, or staying in familiar environments made me reflect on my own path. The varying nature of friendships during co-op was challenging, but learning to appreciate the positive moments instead of dwelling on inevitable changes helped me navigate these shifts. Another point I wanted to add here too that played a big role for me was my education and school focus in sexuality, marriage, and families (SMF). Where we are now, SMF in September 2025 is considering the study of relationships in not just this program but also psychology and how meaningful social connections are to our wellbeing and development overtime in the life cycle.
Evolving Relationships and the Impact of Change
In my first year, I met my boyfriend, who has remained one my most consistent connections. However, relationships definitely extend beyond romantic ones. One TikTok video that left an impression on me (I could not find it back to share) described how encountering people from your past—whether high school acquaintances or friends currently in your life from the “first season” of your early life or long time in past before—can feel surreal. Reconnecting with them, even briefly, serves as a reminder of how much we’ve all grown, matured, and shifted in our relationships which can feel bittersweet or thankful at times when we see how much has positively or negatively changed.
One topic that isn’t discussed enough, I think, is friendship breakups. Losing a close friend, especially during university, can be just as painful as a romantic breakup, if not even worse. Friendships formed during this time are often some of the closest relationships an individual has outside of their family or romantic partners. When they end, it can be very disorienting, isolating, and devastating to navigate afterwards, especially when emotions of anger, frustration, sadness and confusion come up. As someone who is naturally reserved, stepping into new social situations, especially in larger groups, can be a challenge to restart. However, relationships require mutual/reciprocal effort, and sometimes a lack of reciprocation isn’t personal or on purpose—it’s simply a reflection of everyone’s different life trajectories. Similarly, stepping out of your comfort zone or even starting a conversation with a compliment or reaching out to a person first can be the beginning of a new close and meaningful relationship and the only risk to not trying this is the regret of not doing it.
Finding Connection in Unexpected Places
Again, one of the most uplifting experiences in my day-to-day life is encountering familiar faces in unexpected places. A former classmate, a past club member, or even a coworker from a previous job—brief interactions like these remind me of the fluidity of relationships. Scheduling catch-up time or engaging in shared hobbies can make social connections more meaningful. The quality of time spent with someone can matter more than frequency. Some of the most valuable friendships I’ve had are the ones where months, or even years, can pass without seeing each other, yet conversations still flow effortlessly. University life constantly shifts, and so do social circles, but the relationships that hold meaning tend to endure changes beyond the day-to-day routine and the level of care and compassion for a person can stay the same. Lastly, another place people don’t realize we build relationships in is by volunteering! This is a great way to bond with others and try new things or make new connections with people.
Closure, Reflection, and Growth in Relationships
As with all relationships, some friendships end on a good note, while others leave unresolved feelings. In hindsight, I’ve come to appreciate even those friendships that ended poorly. Time spent with someone—whether four months or eight years—still holds meaning and I always cherish good memories. This isn’t to say that toxic or harmful relationships should be tolerated, but rather that reflection can bring closure, even without direct reconciliation with another individual. Forgiveness doesn’t always require two people; sometimes, it’s simply about making peace with our past selves and our actions. I think it is important to normalize closing chapters on certain parts of your life even if this means ending a relationship and reflecting on what came out of that experience.
Navigating the Unknown
One of the hardest pieces of advice to accept is that not knowing what comes next, which is okay. In my first and second year, people assured me that by my last term, I’d have everything figured out. Yet here I am, still uncertain. Instead of fearing the unknown, I’m learning to embrace it, focusing on what feels right for me in the present. Relationships, like life, are unpredictable but worth it—and sometimes, the best thing we can do is trust the process and continue building meaningful connections along the way. It can be the source of our happiness and be the one thing that makes us smile which is why we should care for our relationships as it connects to our mental health and wellbeing.
References
DCO Discourse… On Life in Your 20s: https://dcontario.fireside.fm/305